My Girl

Child of Mine

“So, how was Avelyn today?” I asked the Super Nanny after my day at work.

“She was…” Adele paused to collect her words. “…Argumentative. And a little violent.”

Gee, what a shining report, one to make any mother’s heart sing.

It’s true. Avelyn has been locating the limits and boundaries we’ve set out for her, then blowing through them with a grenade. I was starting to get a little worried that we had bred a monster but after comparing notes with other moms of toddlers I was relieved to hear that her behavior is, rather unfortunately, par for the course.

I am finding this a difficult stage and am wondering what happened to the little baby I used to rock to sleep each night, the one who could do no wrong. It’s just such a change to go from nurturer to disciplinarian and it seems like neither I nor Avelyn are fans of the metamorphosis. I so often feel clueless as to how I should deal with her outburts and tantrums. Do I give her a time out? Get out the rod and beat her baby butt till it’s red? Try to just ignore the meltdown so she doesn’t get any positive attention from it? Yell at her until I’m hoarse?

I’m just wondering where my Parenting Manual is, because weren’t we supposed to get one of those?

I was a strong-willed child and it seems that the angry prayer my own mother muttered every night has been answered: I have a child who is just like I was.

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27 Comments

  • But she’s so dang cute.

    It’s kind of why I fear getting a girl (if I ever get knocked up). I so would get one like me and although I was sweet for a considerable amount of years, I turned into a HOLY TERROR right around 15.

  • at now it begins. sigh.

    I started putting Rt in a timeout before he was 2, around 18 months even? I would put him in a corner and sit 2-3 feet from him, so he wouldn’t escape and turn away for the under 2 minutes he was there.

    It doesn’t cure the behavior, but at least he knows I don’t approve and he has to do the time for it. :D

  • I get EXACTLY the same response from people about my daughter and her assertiveness (read: bossy) behavior. “Like mother, like daughter” or “Payback is tough, isn’t it?”. I take them all as a compliment! =)

  • Hang in there, hon! And also? She looks like such a little girl now. Where did all the baby go?

  • Oh yes, totally typical toddler behavior. But they will grow out of it! Clear boundaries, clear expectations, and follow through with punishment…like time out, losing a privilege, not receiving a reward. It’s hard. They are so darn cute at this age!! And you’re right about not rewarding bad behavior with attention, which was how I used time out. My kids hated being away from all the action, even for 2 minutes. They don’t have the capacity to see reason, so don’t bother. Just have a time out corner ready!

  • Oh man. I remember that stage. It was not a whole lot of fun. I know there’s no “baby manual”, but the BabyWise (there is one called ToddlerWise) series is AWESOME. I really wish I had discovered it when my 6-year-old was a toddler. Kaylie was a biting machine.

    I hope you have a great calm-childed day!

  • Oh boy,let the games begin! One good thing about a strong willed child is that you don’t notice the tough adolescent years because it’s no different than what you have gone through all the kid’s life! Hang in there, sweetie, kindergarten is only 4 years away!!

  • Paige is going through it too. Heck, these two girls are what, four days apart? They sound very similar. Paige lets us, and the entire street, know when she’s unhappy about something. And her 18-month check-up? Holy smokes.

    I’ve said it before, but aren’t people born under the sign of Cancer supposed to be docile homebodies?

    It’s best they go through it NOW. I’ve heard from friends whose children didn’t have “terrible twos” but “terrible FOURS” and it’s WAY WORSE when they are older.

  • Hee! I loved your Mom’s comment about Kindergarten only being four years away.

    We have all been there (and, um, are still there).

    Good thing your will is stronger than hers ;)

  • yep, sounds familiar. Don’t worry though, she will emerge from this and be that gentle daughter you remember. I’m sure of it!

  • I don’t have kiddos yet, but my best friend does and I spend a ton of time with her and her daughters. I’ve watched as she has struggled through the same thing. She designated a time out corner and then came to an agreement with her husband about what behavior deserved a time out. Then, everytime their daughter threw a tantrum or bit another kid…off she’d go to the time out. Good Luck!

  • Ah, the magical toddler years. Four seems to be the magical number, if you can hold on that long. We’re almost over that hump for the second time. Everyday I pray that Grace’s birthday would hurry up and arrive. Keep on keepin’ on.

  • Isn’t it funny how that happens? I got a daughter exactly like I was too, which has it’s pros and cons.

    Good luck battling your way through the toddler years!

  • When my boy hit about 1.5 it all went to hell. He was a monster, he was the spawn of satan. It’s a wonder we all got out of that phase alive. Nothing worked. Time out, yelling, ignoring him… Thankfully (and surprisingly), just after he turned two and his language developed a little more time outs started working better and he’s (mostly) a joy to be around again (so far anyway).

  • Toddler years are challenging for sure…my mom used to say she wished they had a instructions manual attached to my belly button. Now my boys are 11 and 5, 11 has been hard ~ mouth of the south jr is what I call him!

  • I feel your pain; my son is two and a half and he definitely has his “monster” moments. I too wondered what happened to the happy, agreeable baby that I knew and loved! But the great thing about their growth and development at this time is that everything is a phase. She’ll grow out of it, I promise – and tantrums are temporary. You just have to pray for the patience to make it through.

    The positive thing is that you are witnessing her becoming a little person with her own (strong) likes and dislikes! It’s hard to keep that in perspective sometimes, but it does help a little.

    Good luck and I wish you the best!

  • i used the time out and it really works! i still use it, they get one minute for each year they are… mine get four minutes, hence they are four.
    good luck

  • This is why I love babies so much. There is just cuddling and kisses and cooing and diapering. Sure, no sleep too, but that’s NOTHING compared to the mental gymnastics needed to parent an older child. My youngest daughter is 16 months, and I’ve enjoyed her sooo much. Tho, she’s just now starting to be a true-blue toddler.

    *sigh*

  • Read the book “Hold on to your kids” By Gabor Mate.
    He is awesome. Jaia has tranformed over night aswell, it’s rough, when he is so sweet, then screams “NO!!!” at us! Yikes!
    I just don’t want to “disipline” in a way that cause damage, so I am reading that book. Apparently “time outs” have bad bad effects. Good luck!

  • We are definitely headed toward the “terrible two’s” around here as well. Charlie let’s us know exactly what he wants, and when he doesn’t get it, the entire world knows. Forget getting him dressed in the morning, if it wasn’t freezing cold I’d consider letting him leave the house in his diaper on a daily basis. Here is hoping the younger they start the younger they come out of this phase. Wishful thinking?

  • I’m going through EXACTLY the same thing, Amanda…take heart; I think it’s the age. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. :)

  • To look at them now you would never know, but my girls all went through a horrible stage from 18mo to 26mo. Parenting the first time through this seems endless but with your next you will realize it is a stage and this too will pass. Kids need boundaries and limits. By being firm and consistent now you will have a happy and content child in years to come. Good luck.(and there is a reason God makes kids so cute!)

  • Just out of idle curiosity: Is the child happy or sad in this picture?

  • We use time outs and they work really well. Duncan always wants a hug afterwards and he doesn’t tend to repeat the behaviour for at least a little while.

  • Isabella AND Brooklyn are in the same stage right now! It’s so trying. Then they have moments where they say things like; “Mom, can I go upstairs and save the world?” (actual quote from Belle) and you smile and laugh. If I could offer one piece of advice it would be consistency. Don’t make threats you wont keep and keep at the path you choose, it’s rough and tough, but they do catch on.

  • Welcome to the wonderful world of Terrible Twos. I am visiting too. In fact, this topic it seems to be a recurring post on my blog. It is an exhausting stage and will only get worse before it gets better. But, know it is supposed to get better. That is what I keep telling myself.

  • Hello webmaster…Man i love reading your blog, interesting posts ! it was a great Sunday

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