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I Think I Have a Hemorrhoid.

I had to use The Google to look up the correct spelling of hemorrhoid, you know. How is one supposed to ascertain if she has a hemorrhoid? Short of having my husband pry open my bum cheeks to take a gander at a possible sore on my anus, are there symptoms I should be on the lookout for? I have heard of pregnant women being prone to hemorrhoids but with my last pregnancy I managed to dodge the rectal boil bullet. All I know is that it hurts when I wipe, when I wear a thong, and when I sit for too long. Yipes. I don’t really want to know.

In other news, there is something to be said for momentum. When I spend my days at home with Avelyn I put off all the things I need to do for later, reasoning that I’ve got all day to take care of them, so what’s the rush? Then all I do is go to the park, hang out at play-dates, bake cookies, and blog. The carpet gets thicker with dog hair and goldfish crumbs, the bed stays unmade and the laundry piles touch the ceiling. But on the one day that I work outside of the home, I get so much accomplished upon arriving home from the office. In a flurry, I whip up a hot meal, clean up the kitchen, vacuum the scummy floor, fold six hampers of laundry and tidy up everything in sight. I am not even exaggerating. This is all I have done in the two hours since coming home. More than I usually do in an entire week of days at home. I guess I am already in work mode so I just let it run its course. So I can return to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow: “Sloth. Will She Get Off the Couch?”

Avelyn’s vocabulary is busting loose these days. She is adding news words by the dozen and it’s so amazing to see. I tried, rather unsuccessfully, to capture the essence of her genius on film, but she’s too enthralled with the camera to focus on her words. Owell, here’s a little taste:

Untitled from Amanda on Vimeo.

Stacey Derbinshire - I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Stacey Derbinshire

michelle - Okay, smelly feet is one thing, but openly discussing “The H” (as we in my partnership call it– the “H” that has been around for 3 years with varying degrees of discomfort) might be crossing some line somewhere. Good luck with that one. =)

Elizabeth - cuuute!

Michele - Cute, cute, cute!!!

Karla - Oh my goodness, she’s looking so grown up these days. Simply adorable.

Suniverse - Butt Boil? Brilliant!

I ended up (oh, bad pun) having to ask my DOCTOR if I had a hemorrhoid because I had no idea what was going on. As my cousin once said, “They’re hilarious until they happen you.”

Good luck!

Amanda - too much information! Please never use the word “anus” in a post again.

Kaydee - I’d say you probably have the “H”. I got my first one in Africa while on a missions trip. Try sitting on a log all day with one of those suckers. No matter when you get them, they are uncomfortable. Try using Preparation H cream. =)

Angella - If it really is a “H” (Too lazy to spell the whole word. Then used more characters explaining myself.), you’ll want to see our doctor. I know people who have ended up having sugery after having babies, so if there is something you can do to keep it in check, that would be a good thing :)

I am sad that I won’t get to see that genius daughter of yours this morning. Hopefully I’ll be better soon so I can see her, and YOU! :)

whoorl - That is the cutest video ever. (And please be happy that she is NOT walking around the house, mumbling “Oh, sheeet. Oh, sheet.”, unlike a certain boy imitating his foul-mouthed mother.

Oh, shit.

Lisa M - Awwww! It’s so much fun when your kids are learning to speak. It is truly amazing how fast they can pick up words. And extra incentive to NOT use any bad words around them :) It was so funny when I hit play on your video…my dog leaped off her bed, ran over to my desk and watched the whole thing. When she was a puppy, I had a small daycare in my home and she loved loved loved the little kids (and still loves them!). They always had food smeared on some part of their body (and she had to clean them up), and those dirty diapers must’ve smelled like roses to her. I always knew someone needed a change when Emma spent a lot of time sniffing their diaper!

Lisa M - Oh, and, yeah, the “H” thing is not fun. Experience there. But I won’t elaborate.

Jen - Hearing her say “Sizzles” is everything I dreamed of. So cute. Although I was hoping you’d prompt her to say Jen. :)

Ashley - Bethany loved that video, I cut her off after watching it 4 times – I still have to get dressed and things today. But I’m sure I’ll be watching your little star about 100 more times before the day is through! She’s getting so big!

Kate - So true! On my days off, I get NOTHING done! Then, on my activity-packed days, I get a zillion things done. Cute video!

angie - Avelyn is adorable.

As for the hemorrhoid, I don’t think you have one. They really burn and itch. It is horrible, and you can barely sit down with one.

ikate - What a cute video! It always amazes me how much she looks like my Maggie. Miss M is two months younger and is starting to pick up more words, but right ow “NOSE!” is the big one.

And for the H, try this stuff…(sorry I don’t know how to hyperlink)
http://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/earth_mama_bottom_balm.html

It was great during my pregancy and then especially after labor for …um…healing things up down there.

Chelsey - cute video, shes so adorable!!

Christine - Okay, so obviously no one wants to really talk about the whole hemorrhoid issue, but I will, seeing as how I’m a nurse and nothing really grosses me out. If you’re like me and had a nasty case of constipation for the whole nine months of pregnancy, then you very likely are going to get some of these puppies. They can range anywhere from the size of a raison to a grape (and I’ve seen bigger than that). I also work on a labour and delivery floor at the hospital so I know what I’m talking about. They can be painful at times when they’re inflamed, and maybe even bleed. Wearing thongs will irritate them even more if you have them. But at other times, they’re just there and don’t always bother you. I would recommend trying to shrink them with a hemorrhoid cream but you could also try Witch Hazel Oil (drug stores should have an impregnated wipe called “Tucks” that you can also use). And for determining if you have them, maybe try using a mirror to see if there are any down there, but most of the time you can feel a little lump (or two). If you’re really unsure, ask your doctor about it at the next prenatal visit.

Sorry if I grossed anyone out with my textbook-like answer.

Abbey - When we were little we couldn’t say “grandpa” either so we called him “bumpa” just like Avelyn. Now my kids are calling my dad Bumpa….so adorable!

I also have to say that I absolutely love how open you are. You have courage like none other Amanda. I wish you all the comfort possible for the remainder of your pregnancy!

chrissy - ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the big H. to bite off austin powers, ‘preparation H is good on the hole….’

your daughter was KILLING ME. i love how she was DONE with you at the end of the first segment. she tuned you out and her face was PRICELESS. amazing!

Kerri Anne - I think my favorite part about that video is how you laugh and encourage her every time she says something. Very awesome.

SAJ - Bug says “that’s my favorite one”

matches - take care of ye arse. (you always have to use the word ‘ye’ when referring to ye arse). you can end up with bedrest…and it can become painful. not to scare you, just quit lifting things and stop the anal sex for a week or two.

ali - the two of you are ridiculously cute.

Filtering Life - Just so you know…I can say all those words too! I don’t see you putting up videos of me…how sad.

I got 2 little raisin demons after Chloe was born…SCARY to feel the inside of your butthole. I mean let’s just add insult to injury after all the trauma down there. I even got one a month ago from pooping a brick out. Beware..once you get them, you are more susceptible to them. Isn’t that great news! Yes, yes yes I know I owe you like 100 emails back. I am goign crazy right now. I will send you love soon.

Simon - I have a feeling that your stats will go up today from all the people who google the phrase “sore on my anus.”

I could be wrong.

-Simon

metalia - She is so cute! I love how she’s all, “Whatevs, Mom. I’m done. Stop asking me to SAY THINGS.” at the end of the first portion. Alex does the same when I try to get him to perform. :)

Momma - I just keep playing the video over and over just so I can hear her sweet voice. Oh, and yours too.

Isabel - But can she say “hemorrhoid”?

Okay, you might need to go and see a doctor. Things pertaining to your anus and blood and hurting can be very bad things (says the girl that is far to young to have had 3 colonoscopies). Seriously…get it checked out. Better safe then sorry.

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