When I was in the eighth grade I had a really mean teacher who made me memorize a stanza of Rudyard Kipling’s “If” whenever I was caught chewing gum or being a boisterous distraction in class. Needless to say, by the year’s end I had the entire poem committed to memory. The poem begins with these lines:
“If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs
And blaming it on you,”
and I think therein lies the key to life with two kids. At any given point, one or both of them will be wigging out about something and getting angry that you’re not doing everything you can to create a utopia for them, but you just need to keep your head, stay calm, not wig out yourself, and chant the following, “This won’t last forever.”
That phrase is both a comfort and a tragedy, however. I find myself wishing away the sleepless nights, the unwelcome cries, the tantrums, the disturbing diaper changes. But I am already getting a glimpse of how the days pass so quickly without my noticing. Avelyn turns three this summer. Three! I still remember awkwardly placing her gangly newborn body into a carseat and tentatively driving home thinking, “I have NO CLUE what I’m doing.” And now she’s speaking in sentences, tending to her baby sister, playing independently, and learning that it’s not cool to chest-bump her friends.
I swing back and forth on a crazy pendulum that on one side says, “You shouldn’t have any more kids. Two is crazy enough and perhaps you should consider a secret tube-tying procedure done in a back alley somewhere” and the other says, “C’mon, you should have one more. And soon. Get this whole baby phase over and done with and then think of how much fun the three of them will have growing up together.” Those are two very opposing extremes, yet I spend time on each side every day. It feels like being a tree-hugging vegetarian hippie in the morning, then going to work for a corporate slaughterhouse sponsored by McDonald’s in the afternoons. Kind of. But with less tree-hugging and cow killing.
Not too much else has been going on ’round these parts, hence the quiet blog. I could tell you about the delicious dessert baking in the oven right now. Or about how I did the 30 Day Shred yesterday, using only 3 lb weights instead of the 6 lb ones I used last time, and I feel achey and sore, but in a good (not a “I’m just going to hold it since it hurts too bad to squat on the toilet”) way. Or that our house has never been messier and I don’t know what to do about it. Or that I’m reading a really good book. Or that I am so ready for spring that it hurts.
Yeah, that’s about it.
23 Comments
I love this. I think that every mom in the world swings on that same pendulum every single day. I know I do. Thanks for sharing. I read your blog often, but rarely comment. Sorry about that. I’ll try harder. :-)
Another delinquent commenter here!
I really liked the tree hugger vs evil corporation analogy- it really worked well, I think.
Also- what good book are you reading? I love books and I’m always up for suggestions. :)
I totally thought about that poem while I was at home with both little ones last year; never actually made it into a blog post, so well done you! I personally found it extremely difficult to keep my head…
And that dessert HOLY HELL that looks good. My god. I can feel my blood sugar rising just looking at it.
My girlfriend says 3 is the best. I’ll likely only have Grayson, but if my situation were different I’d have more for sure.
I LOVE three. Love it. You will too (I hope).
I did the whole it-hurts-too-much-to-squat-on-the-toilet thing last week. It is not fun.
Yay you’re back! If I didn’t live something like 2,300 miles away from you I’d come over and clean your house. I think sometimes friends just need to clean other friends houses. If course that might be weird since I just read your blog and don’t actually know you, even though we both have Avelyn’s. Anyway, I found a post that touches upon a little of what you said. I re-posted it yesterday if you want to check it out. Also, I’m totally read/totally terrified of having baby #2. I think you’re doing great.
I still would like to know what good book you are reading?
Just curious.
~Mad(elyn) in Aabama
I love this post! You just put so many of my thoughts into words. We are expecting our third next month & the discussion about whether or not to have another one sounded just like yours. We finally decided to get this “whole baby thing over & done with”. We were in the baby groove already so we decided to just go with it. I’m not sorry.
And I feel your pain about your house. I have been there. Praying you get some help with your mess. I don’t know how many times I’ve wished for someone to help me clean.
Tell Avelyn I think it’s totally cool to chest-bump your friends. And, I really love this post. I am constantly wishing away this time I’m in and yet I know I’ll want it back one day.
If you’re going to have another, you should plan on having 2 more. Even numbers are better. With 3, someone always gets left out. =D
I really loved this post, Amanda. You should have another baby. DO IT! DO IT! (Pun intended. Ha!) I know how it feels to be sort of in limbo not sure if you are really finished with the baby business or not. That’s how I felt after Camille.
You know, I can TOTALLY picture you being a boisterous distraction. It’s okay, in eighth grade english class I had to be moved several times for talking too much. Eventually I think she gave up and left me where I was.
Have you read Mark Twain’s definition of spring fever? That is so hpw I feel right now.
I had to memorize that stupid poem in junior high and recite it in front of the class!! I want to know what the book is, too!
I too ride the emotion rollercoaster watching my girls grow up so quickly. Looking at Audrey thinking every one of her 1st is my last 1st…smile, laugh, rolling over (not that she’s doing all that yet but you get it). It’s bitter sweet.
I however lack even the tiniest bit of desire for another baby. The baby part would be ok, their vehicle of arrival however has been taken off the road. No more preggos for this chick.
I just want to slow time down on the good moments with both girls just a little and warp speed the lousy ones.
This post really resonates with me. I look at my nearly five month old and think, ‘I could do this again and again.’ But, like a flip of a switch I think, ‘there’s no way I could juggle another baby and stay sane.’ The pendulum swing of emotions is something I think all mom’s face. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and if it makes you feel any better, my house is atrocious!
I totally feel your wavering pain- except for mine is about whether to even have the FIRST kid or not!
And I too would love the name of the book you’re reading. Just to make it fair- I’ll share with you: just finished “See you in a hundred years” by Logan Ward. Really interesting book- with your (occasional?) interest in local farming/tree hugging you might really like it!
Ooh, what really good book? I’m on the lookout for more really good books to add to my “to-read” shelf that is soon and very soon going to overtake the living room.
Also: I’m sore in the I can’t even walk without grimacing sort of way, but you know what? It’s AWESOME.
I think every woman pendulums a little. How can you possibly write off a child? And then again, how can you possibly have one (or another)? They both seem so right and so wrong at different times of day.
And look, I don’t even have a baby yet so it’s saying something if I’ve pendulumed (sp?) on the topic.
Also, that poem? I have it memorized too because of some vicious freshman English teacher. MAYBE THERE IS A SECRET CULT OF TEACHERS WHO DO THIS.
You’re brave for even considering another baby at this stage! I have an almost two-year-old and barely thinking about having number 2! I’m not sure I’d encourage the “get-it-over-with” idea (although there are ALWAYS those days/times with kids!), enjoying each time is optimal but I realize not necessarily realistic. You’ll make the right decision for you and your family whatever it is!
I now have four daughters, the youngest is 3 months, the eldest almost 8. When I had my second was by far the hardest for me. Going to three and four has been easier which seems crazy, but it’s true.
which side is the tree-hugger?
I’m with ya though, we can’t decide if we’ll have another although the three bedroom house, small car, and general lack of coping make me think we should really stop while we’re ahead.
I have 3 kids, and I have to say, going from 2 to 3 was much harder for me than going from 1 to 2. My oldest was 2.5 when I had my second child, and my second child had only just turned 2 when I had my third. I’m not sure if it’s the ages of the kids, or just the fact that now the adults are outnumbered which makes it so hard. I was also at the point where it was like, OK, have another baby NOW or else you will be too far from the baby stage and not want to go back, so I can definitely relate. I have to tell you though – my third child? Such a dream. What a cute little boy, and I can’t imagine our family without him. So, you know, the third is a real blessing… and once you get past the few difficult years of toddler-hood, and everyone can dress themselves and eat on their own and well, WALK, haha, I’m sure it will be a bit easier. Sleep-wise anyways, I’m counting on there still being just as much laundry. Haha…
OH, but your house CAN be messier. Just have that third baby you’re thinking about!!! :D I even confessed it to the world in a blog post a few months back, complete with pictures of my shame!! haha)
ooh, how we are all so different. I have no advice to share. I just want to say that I don’t totally agree that if you’re going to have three, you HAVE to go for four. I am sure that it’s true for some families…and even would be very nice if they DID pair off evenly. I have three and I love it (I know so families who would never dream of having three, and some who could not live without having their fourth…heck, I know coulpes that won’t contemplate one). I have also found that the jump for me from 1 to two was much harder than from two to three. I knew exactly what to expect with #3 on how introducing a sibling would be. So funny how every experience is different. Maybe you should have 5 and let us all know how that is?
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