My Girl

Meltdown Complete

Things have been quiet here on the blog front because I’ve been busy shaking my fist at the air and, with a defeated whisper, calling out for help, “I think my daughter is trying to kill me.”

Avelyn has been destroying my patience, my energy, my will to parent and my desire to live. Just when I thought we had turned a corner and caught myself mentioning how much more pleasant and obedient and polite and mature she had become, she goes and pulls a complete 180 and makes a mad dash for The Land of Outrageous Mood Swings, Potty Training Regression (We’re Talking Poop In The Undies Three Times Daily), General Melancholy, and Let’s Ruin The Day With All We’ve Got.

At first I was mildly annoyed, then concerned, then frustrated, then irritated, then frazzled, then I hit the wall and had a full fledged meltdown, complete with stringy snot, contorted facial expressions, sniveling and gnashing of teeth. I just couldn’t take it anymore and was at the end of my rope.

I felt a bit better after crying all morning but am still on the verge.  This kid is pushing me to the brink and I’m not sure when we’ll make it back.

29 Comments

  • For what it’s worth, 2.75 – 3.75 years was the hardest stage around here so don’t think you are alone!

    I wish I was there to give you a break!

  • I have no advice, just a great big cosmic hug and prayers of support.

  • Amanda, I think it’s normal toddler behaviour. Lorelei is doing the same thing. There are days (and I hate to admit it) that I don’t like her very much. It’s hard to keep in perspective that they are only three….this is the time where they assert themselves as little people, they want to do it their way but don’t have the patience or skills to get the job done “right” resulting in numerous tantrums a day. I’m great with babies…toddlers make me doubt myself as a parent. We’ll survive this, our parents did. Hugging you

  • People tell me 4 is a wonderful age. I can’t wait to get there. (of course, it’s probably a bunch of crap)

    Sorry you are getting your ass kicked. Me too.

    (I am getting a small reprieve right now as my 3.5 year old is quite ill with strep throat or something, so he’s quiet and slow and even napping without a fight and I have more sympathy than normal. It’s really wrong to wish for more illness, isn’t it…)

  • Oh man. I have no words since mine is not yet 14 months and most of the melt downs and tantrums can still be solved with a paci and a nap. The physical and emotional exhaustion is palpable through my screen so here is great big hug, a giant martini and the knowledge that if nothing else you can legally kick her out at 18. :) Hope it gets better soon. There is little worse than feeling like a crap mom, which you are NOT.

  • Dang. And drat. Double drat. In fact, pour yourself a double.

  • She sounds like my Eric. He came out of me strong willed and nothing has changed, just different stuff. I have gone to Focus on The Family website many times for info on what to do. I’ve had many meltdowns, MANY! I bought the book Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman last summer and I like it. I had to bring it out again for some wisdom last week. She will be a good teenager I bet you anything, your putting in your time now. I’ve gone through a lot with my boy. About the potty training she’s not yet three so I would have no expectations until after three years of age no matter what anyone tells you, I’d go back to diapers.

  • Oh I should tell you the best advice I got from my 80 year old neighbor who said this in the best way possible. “Don’t let your kids ruin your life.” I remind myself of this often. I do love my kids by the way but sometimes…..

  • That little Poop! It won’t last. It never does. But it always comes back. How’s that for encouragement? Just stick her in a cold shower or douse her with a cup of cold water. If anything you’ll feel better for about ten seconds.

    Miss you.

  • Oh sweetie! Maybe she just misses us. Do you want us to move into your basement? Yea? Okay, we’ll be there next week.

    In reality, I’m so sorry that she’s being a little monster! I really have no advice, I wish I did. I do hope that it gets better though! SOON!!!

  • On the upside… you look gorgeous in that picture!

    Remember, she won’t be this age forever… she will grow out of it.

  • Oh Amanda! I’m feeling for you!

  • Woops, that was my last comment with half a name attached to it!

    Amanda, you are such a great mom. I love that you care enough to be frustrated, concerned, annoyed, sad.

    I just keep thinking about how we all grow – two steps forward, one step back… you are doing an awesome job with that little girl.

  • I’ve had a hellish week myself, wondering how could a child be so selfish when I have given up “EVERYTHING” to give him a pleasant childhood!! I must say, that since I have three little strong-willed children…it is starting to get easier now (at age 7). I found 2.5 to 5yrs almost broke me. BUT…we WILL survive. I’m definitely seeking out written words of wisdom to at least help me feel like I know what I’m doing! You are so not alone…even though it is very lonely and desperate on the homefront sometimes!

  • Oh dear, we are there with you. Apparently we have a late case of the terrible two’s on our hands and it is killing my will to do anything on an hourly basis. The Dr. Jekel/Mr. Hyde thing our son is doing is not sweet or endearing in the least and I have threatened multiple times in the last 24 hours to leave him on the side of the road.

    Here is hoping things improve for both of us! Three has to be better, right?!?

  • so glad to hear that i’m not the only one.

  • thanks for sharing, i thought i was the only one have issues with my toddler, my little guy has been driving me crazy, to the point I am melting. i hope things get better, potty training is very messy and requires so much patience, we are in the thick of it too.

  • Sorry :( but good to know we aren’t the only ones feeling that way… my little girl will be 3 in September and she is giving us a run for our money! Sometimes she is as sweet as can be and then others she is completely unreasonable, whiny and unbearable.
    This too shall pass……

  • oh, girl…long time lurker delurking to say…have hope. on the days when you feel you have spent the whole day yelling, when you wonder what about driving you insane makes your child so happy, when you think you can’t handle it anymore…remember, it doesn’t last forever. mine turned 3 in april, and turned a corner in late may. like she just woke up one day and decided to be agreeable. life is soooo much happier now. instead of glaring at me and arguing with every word i say, she hugs me and helps me and it generally the ray of sunshine i need.

  • As an old mom who raised 3 daughters–I’m here to tell you that “this too shall pass”. My defiant toddler grew into a beautiful child, an awesome teenager and a wonderful,accomplished,strong young woman.The key is to somehow take control of the situation without breaking her spirit. I found Dr.James Dobson’s advice on the Focus on the Family series to be very helpful.Trust me,in the future you’ll be glad that Avelyn has a mind of her own!

  • This would be a good opportunity to start up your own ‘Wine Friday’.

  • Oh man. I feel your pain and wish this stage to end with the best of memories only.

  • My oldest was my “most willful” toddler/child.

    I remember many mornings of crying (both of us) followed by guilt, (pretty sure that was just me), afternoon would come and we would replay the SAME SCENE all over again, like a bad play.

    She’s 14 years old now and she remembers none of it.
    But I DO.

    It’s SO FREAKING HARD. However, this too shall pass and be replaced with new issues. (like a $100 cell phone bill, because your child TALKS TOO MUCH)

    :)

  • *HUGS* Wish I could help.

    I have heard its really hard up to age 4. Bayley is 14 months and I wonder where my sweet happy baby went. She’s a happy fit thrower. I pray we all make it to 4. lol.

  • Hang in there, my friend. Maybe a play date is in order?

  • Oh man, I’m so so sorry. I wish I could explain to you how much I understand what you’re going through. We live parallel lives, I swear it. Hang in there. Deep breathing works well for me. And if I talk about it out loud sometimes Jack will join in. It does wonders for the both of us. Although sometimes meltdowns are exactly what the doctor ordered… sometimes you just gotta freak out and cry a little. Get it out of the system.

  • You keep telling us of these meltdowns (yours I mean), yet you manage to look put together, calm and downright stunning in all your photos. You are a a verstile woman. And you’ll get through this horrendous stage. Sending happy thoughts and prayers your way. Hang in there!

  • Sounds tough. Extra tough. Hang in there. I hope things perk up and you get some help around the house.

  • I could have and have written the same post. This is such a challenging age, especially with girls! In my case I found that when we hit a particularly tough patch it usually only lasts for a week or two and then we will all settle down again. Growth spurt maybe? Just know that you are not alone and somehow we are all going to get through it. When all else fails and you need a break, just walk away and introduce her to our good friend Dora!

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