Jen and I were lamenting our post-baby bodies and how even if we were to lose the last ten pounds we’d like to, there’s no guarantee our bellies would ever be bikini-worthy ever again. Then we started dreaming about what it would take for us to be comfortable wearing a two-piece. Allow me to introduce…
No need to suck in that gut when all that’s exposed is a one-inch strip of flesh right under your (painfully lopsided and sadly sagging) boobs. The elbow-touching sleeves cover up any drooping triceps (those can also be blamed on pregnancy, can’t they?) and the extra firm support of the lycra bottoms will squeeze your saddlebags into submission. Your thighs will not be flapping as you chase your children down the beach, only the heads of attractive males as their necks whip back and forth, following your enchanting ensemble with their eyes.
Yours for only three easy payments of $19.99. And if you comment in the next 20 minutes you will also receive a jumbo bag of Doritos since you will never have to worry about baring your body on the beach again!
10 Comments
LOL! This is awesome! Great idea ;)
think of all the sunscreen you could save! Please tackle ‘mom hair’ next. How can I ditch the ponytail?
Great idea! But I think even that 1 inch strip of flesh might be too much. Could I just wear a giant potato sack?
Okay, well I think I would just go to one of the larger southern states and feel good as my mum bumps rolled out and felt the sun. Seriously though I do know that feeling of post baby body in a bathing suit. I found when we went to Florida all the mum bumps didn’t seem to matter. So the moral here is that you just need to hang around lumpier bumpier folks. Semi rude yes I know.
Most days I am jealous of your proximity to the beach, but now remembering what a constant reminder of how I would never even try on a bikini nevermind wear one… well… today, not so jealous! Also the worst? Seeing other moms there that somehow magically came out of pregnancy(ies) unstretchmarked (yes, its a word) and not at all flabby. I have a FB friend like that, 3 kids later, still pulling off a bikini. I hate her. :D
Yup, send me one!!
You never fail to crack me up :)
Funny! Have you seen these? http://www.youtube.com/awomansworld?feature=pyv
Amanda, this is too great. You’re awesome!
haha that’s one hawt look!
Comments are closed.