Pregnancy does a number on the body.
Especially if that body isn’t too toned or fit to begin with.
I have always been soft around the edges and I’m OK with that, but the loose sack of flab that now dangles from my abdomen is a little more than I can handle. So I thought of a solution: Spanx. The magic underwear that the celebrities commend, that promises to smooth and slim the silhouette, that will revolutionize my womanly curves and make me a hot momma.
I shelled out $40 for a pair of the Spanx Power Panties. With a name like that, how could I go wrong. Surely my money was well spent, no? I excitedly brought home the overpriced gich and was shocked when I pulled them out of their box and saw what looked like a shrivelled pair of little girl’s pantyhose. How the heck was I supposed to ram by bum cheeks into those?! I locked myself in the bathroom so that just in case Steve came home he wouldn’t catch me in the act, halfway wedged into these excuciatingly tight undies with folds of flab oozing out the sides. After a few minutes of grunting and pulling and squishing I was in the Power Panties.
Yes, my stomach was a bit flatter.
But I think that’s because my organs had deflated and I hadn’t breathed in a few minutes.
I kept them on for a half hour, admiring my thin(ner) profile each time I passed the mirror. But after thirty minutes of agonizing vanity I peeled the panties off and sighed with relief.
Spanx.
They’re just not for me.
Maybe I’m going to have to (gasp) start exercising again to fit into my old clothes instead of just trying to whittle my waistline by squishing it into oblivion.
10 Comments
Oh Amanda, you just had a baby. Relax about it. 9 months to get there 9 years to get back. Isn’t that the saying? ;) In truth, you Summerland women think entirely too much about weight and body image don’t you think? Earthen vessels are just that, earthen vessels. Don’t waste your time, like I have, worrying about weight. When you are 41 like I am, you’ll look back and admonish yourself for all the wasted time, worry, emotion and negative self talk you spent on it. Eat well, walk, drink wine, laugh, love. Those are the things that bring real joy and contentment.
That’s funny.
I bought these body-slimming short in high school that I would wear to bed in hopes of shrinking in my sleep. Once when I had a huge dinner, I tucked a big hardcover book into the shorts to help flatten my stomache. That wasn’t exactly the best sleep I’ve ever had:)
I think you’d look fabulous with or without a belly flap, and agree completely with what Michelle wrote.
Never heard of ’em. Thanks for saving me the cash, though. I’d have probably bought some myself:)
the picture on the package makes it look so easy!
Amanda, Ben is almost 18 months old, and I’m still losing pregnancy weight. It’ll come off eventually. I always loved being pregnant because you’re SUPPOSED to gain weight. It’s that ‘fourth’ trimester that no one tells you about that you’re just feeling chubby with mongo boobies and wearing your big clothes that comes as a bit of a shock (I can so remember being there). Just enjoy your baby and time at home with her and the weight will take care of itself.
Ditto to everyone above! I’ve see you in person, and you look AMAZING!
Though, like Vicki, I probably would have tried them if you hadn’t warned us :)
Best blog headline ever.
I watched an Ellen episode where she had various people in her audience wear them and give their reviews during the show. Then she went on a rant about how they’re the size of a postage stamp! It’s fun to hear the experience of someone I know. And don’t you worry, you’ll get that body back and then some watching after little Avelyn, especially once she’s not so still! Take your time!
Hi Amanda – I linked her from Angella’s site. I have been following your blog for a bit now – I love hearing about new babies. Your stories are always funny and entertaining.
I almost bought these once – after my second son was born. Glad I didn’t now!
AND you look amazing! BUT I have been where you are and it’s hard not to dwell on it. It’ll go away soon enough – just in time for #2.
Hi Amanda,
Our mailing address is the same as Capes: Box 1-10, Thetis Island, BC V0R2Y0
I’m looking forward to fitting into my old clothes again too. I’ve just started pushing the stroller though so it’ll be a few more weeks before I can excercise. I’m feeling good though.
April
that is hilarious. I hate binding stuff like that. Your description of changing into it was priceless!
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