This motherhood gig is tough sometimes. I’m not talking about the diaper blow-outs or the midnight feedings or the temper tantrums in shopping malls. Those things, while trying at times, are really no big deal in the grand scheme of my life or that of my child. There are some other things that really floor me, though, and I am left feeling helpless and immobile but indecision is not an option. I’m talking about the choice to immunize or not immunize your child. It’s a doozie.
I had always assumed that I would vaccinate my child. I had shots when I was a kid, my brother had shots, my family had shots, all my friends and their kids had shots. And everyone of us turned out just fine. No problems whatsoever. So why wouldn’t I vaccinate my child? Think of the dozens of potentially life-threatening diseases I’d be protecting her from. Sounds like a no-brainer.
Until you watch Oprah and see Jenny McCarthy talking about her son’s autism and how she believes it was triggered by vaccines, or you google “autism and immunizations” and read story after story or parents who swear that their children developed the disease after they received their shots, or you read a parenting blog and weigh in on the debate, seeing that both sides of the issue are hot and impassioned and convinced their view is right. It’s scary stuff.
If I vaccinate my child, she might develop autism. If I don’t vaccinate my child, she might catch any number of diseases and die a premature death.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I made the decision to immunize Avelyn and I feel a sense of peace about it. It took some time and research and talking with my doctor and others. In the end I decided to go on my frame of reference and try not to be too spooked by the media.
All I want is a guarantee that my child will be safe, healthy, well-adjusted, beautiful, talented, and problem-free. It’s what we all want, but it’s basically an impossibility. Life is hard, our kids’ lives will be hard, and well, that’s just kind of hard to digest.
I find myself thinking, “Once we make it to the three year mark, we’ll know she’s safe from developing autism.” But who’s to say she won’t develop some other disease when she’s four? I have to daily make the decision to not live in fear about the tragedies that could befall us, rather to simply savour the day we’ve been given.
Because it’s a good one.
27 Comments
This was such a hard decision for me, especially the MMR shot, which seems to be the most controversial when discussing the links to autism.
In the end we vaccinated. I still worry about my decision but in the end it is what I did and I need to be at peace with it. I spent a lot of time researching the options, but my final decision was made after a long talk with our pediatrician where he was willing to discuss at length his thoughts and the findings of numerous studies.
I do agree with the notion that vaccinations should not be one size fits all and parents shouldn’t be made to feel like they must follow a certain schedule.
hey manda
Yes, there does seem to be a connection between autism and vaccinations. HOWEVER, from my research about this, vaccinations DO NOT cause autism. A child is either born autistic or not. The vaccinations could only make the autism of the child worse.
Example A:
Sara (my roomate) works with autistic children. In her group of kids are 2 brothers. Both autistic. One had vaccines, the other child did not. The child WITHOUT the vaccines is higher functioning than the child WITh the vaccines. But both still have autism.
I’m kind of a believer of not vaccinating chidren. Especially when it comes to diseases that this country hasn’t seen in decades. Also note that just because a vaccine is out, does not mean that the child will not get the disease. Diseases morph themselves constantly. They’re very sneaky that way.
Anyway, just food for thought. Avelyn could be just fine with her vaccines. I mean, i had vaccines and i’m normal right?……right? why aren’t you saying anything??
What a great post. That too is what I find to be the hardest part of being a mom – not having that guarantee that things will turn out all right. Our first child was still born and that reality of things going wrong with kids is always present. The vaccine issue has been extremely tough for me too. We have at this point not vaccinated yet (she is 15m) and are sort of planning to selectively vaccinate in the next year, but still every time I think about it I almost get a panic attack. So…we’ll see. I think the only thing to do in those tough parenting moments is not live in fear like you said, and just do the best you can. At least then, if tragedy does strike, you know that you did what you thought in your heart was best for your child, and thats all we can do really right?
Very good post. My son is 12, so we don’t have to worry about the vacinations..but very thought provoking. Bottom line is, we aren’t in control. God is. We just have to trust him and do what we can to help our children…by praying about it, etc. But it is a very helpless feeling – not knowing what the right thing is. I think you did the right thing.
You are a great mom.
I saw the same episode and thought what a hard decision I’ll be faced with when we have our own kid. And I think you make that decision (as you did) after weighing all the information and talking to the professionals around you. And you love your child through it all.
As it’s been said before, you’re a wonderful mother. And on that point, there is no debate whatsoever.
She’s already luckier than most for it.
I’ve also been having this struggle. Wanting everything to be ok all the time. I’m realizing I’m a major CF (control freak). It comes and goes, but right now it’s really strong.
As for immunizations, I have immunized my girls. It’s true, our country hasn’t seen these diseases in a long time. It’s because of the immunizations. I believe if we stop immunizing, we’ll start seeing more and more cases of these diseases popping up.
As a former special ed teacher of children with autism, I can tell you that it is not 100% proven that immunizations have any connection to autism. No more than lead paint, and other theories that have been out there. 3:1 are boys, it is non-discriminatory, prevalent in all cultures. There is a genetic link, especially with it being higher in males. So countries that don’t have any form of vaccinations still have children with autism. I do believe you are born with it and it is a genetic issue. It is tough to decide about shots. I happen to attend a very granola type church where lots of people pop out 6 kids, breast feed till they are 3, homeschool, and don’t vaccinate. That is great for them, but that isn’t me and we can only make decisions that are right for each of our families. There is so much to read out there that it will make you go blind. you just have to pray about it and stick to your convictions.
Aah. The endless vaccination debate. I chose to vaccinate, all but the chicken pox and flu, but on a later schedule. With my second boy, our late schedule was really really late due to a series of unfortunate events, mainly bad storms and power outages. As a result of missing the pnuemoccocal (sp?) vaccine he had cold after cold after bronchitis etc. Now that he’s been on antibiotics twice in his first 16mos I have to worry about his increased risk of developing asthma. If it’s not one thing it’s another…
Difficult choice. I have two sons. The younger one has had all the vaccinations, including MMR. The older one hasn’t. He had single jabs for measles, mumps and rubella (before our government banned us from being allowed to give single vaccines – thanks a lot!) and never got the boosters because the ban intervened. We chose not to fully vaccinate our oldest because he has multiple allergies, dyspraxia and had exczema as a baby. All things which we felt made his system more vulnerable and a triple vaccine in one go might just be too much. I don’t believe vaccines cause autism but I think in some kids they may make existing matters worse. At the end of the day you make your decision for YOUR child. The government can only work in population-wide figures, so they will be looking at percentages. You however look after your own kid, based on your knowledge of that particular child. No-one can or should ever criticise that decision.
I don’t have kids yet, but that issues has already crossed my mind. I think it’s good you weighed your options and came to a decision that was right for you. She is your baby and you only want what’s best for her.
I have to agree with the comment from Deanna: The horrible diseases of the past are no longer prevalent due to the institution of vaccines. If you go to third world countries where there are no vaccines those diseases are very real. Only God knows how things in our children’s life will play out. We just have to let go of fear and give it to Him. Beautiful photo by the way!!
Great post my friend. This is a topic that we have debated many times…and it always requires reflection :)
I LOVE that photo!
THe same debate rages all over the world… seems to me there is never a grey area in this, people who educate parents to help make the decisions seem to be strongly on either end. My first child was half vaccinated had allergic reactions and has develpoed asthma (also linked to vaccination) So when it came to deciding whether to vaccinate number 2, we decided to wait until she was over 2 to do it, since the diseases they vaccinate for are more likely to happen under 2, when we made it to 2 unscathed and and incredibly healthy child we have decided not to do it now.
I guess my thing is that I am not against the vaccination as much as I am the timing of it. Also,In Australia they vaccinate all children the same dosage regardless of weight or age, so babies can have between 4-10 times the amount required… full-on-ski!!!
Anyway, great brave post. And all I say to the women I speak to is stand by your decision, as long as it was informed and well researched by you and your family its the right one for that child….
I’m glad you’ve made peace with your choice, and I loved the ending to this post.
How do you get your photos so your skin glows so nicely?? You two look beautiful!!
Ugh – we’ve faced the same thing and our answer was to vaccinate, but in stages. The fact is that most daycares that I like required them…so do most schools.
Instead of the 4-shots-per-appointment schedule that our Dr. suggested, we do one shot at a time, at least 3 weeks apart. I just couldn’t bear to see my tiny baby shot up with 4 syringes! Am I at the Dr. all the time? Yes (and I work full time, too so it’s a major pain). Is she “behind” on the schedule? Yes. But I feel so much more at peace with it. I had a really really bad reaction to the MMR back in the day, so I wanted to know if she had a reaction, what she was reacting to.
Oh, and I see no reason to vaccinate for chicken pox and flu.
I too have struggled with the decision to vaccinate Bethany. It’s a tough choice and one that no parent makes with out a great deal of thought. That Oprah really sent me realing though. We have given her, all the shots to date and it started me thinking. What have I done? What’s going to happen? Will this reflect on the rest of her life? How would I cope with an autistic child? How would she cope with life?
But it all came down to trusting that for us God has lead every single aspect of our lives together, Bethany’s birth and her life to date. And I know with out a shadow of a doubt that he’s going to take care of every moment to come. With or without autism or some other disease. I would never ever chose for my child to have any sort of disease, but if she does or did – she’s still perfect to me. I can deal with autism, we can work through ADHD, we can handle temper tantrums (I had them baaaaad), we can cope with teenage attitude. What I can’t deal with however is losing her. The prospect of her dying, being sick with something that will take her life…I can’t deal with that. So as it stands right now we are going to finish them – all except the chicken pox and flu. We’ve all had the chicken pox and aside from a few scars we did just fine.
Just know that whatever choice as a parent you make as long as you’re trusting God to lead you, it’ll be ok. You are a wonderful momma Amanda and Steve a great dad. You have made the best decision you can based on what you know and that as parents is all we can do.
Thank you for approaching a topic that is a tough one and that we all want to talk about. It’s so great to read other peoples thoughts and opinions.
Well said, and great comments too, its really good to be able to have a healthy discussion about topics like this that are very emotive issues. We immunised Amy, my reasoning was very similar to yours, I did my research and went with what the medical community recommended. I also reasoned that we had such a healthy baby that she was strong enough to cope with the multiple vaccine at 12 months and we have had no side effects so far. Fingers crossed.
What I don’t do is accept the antibiotics that most Dr’s want to prescribe nowadays for minor infections in our kids. I took antibiotics myself recently when my sore throat turned into a doozey of a secondary infection, but this week when Amy started sneezing, I just made fresh OJ and kept her at home, you can’t treat a viral infection.
Parenting is an endless series of choices and thats something I don’t think I fully realised until I had a baby! It makes it easier having such well informed and honest people out there in the internet!
One of the great debates that one day I’m sure I’ll be having! That’s a beautiful photo!
Tough decision. I got quite scared about the whole autism-vaccine thing. I think you have the exact right attitude here though: “I have to daily make the decision to not live in fear about the tragedies that could befall us, rather to simply savour the day we’ve been given.” I’m with you on that one. God knows the plan he has for our lives, so we have no reason to worry. Although we as moms do anyway.
Great debate… very well stated, Amanda. Beautiful picture, too!!
Stick it to her!
Just kidding. I’m glad that you’ve always taken thetime to think these things through. So often we go ahead with the “norm” because it’s Just what’s done and we don’t stop to really question why. You are such a good mommy. Just like me.
HA!
Stick it to her!
Just kidding. I’m glad that you’ve always taken thetime to think these things through. So often we go ahead with the “norm” because it’s Just what’s done and we don’t stop to really question why. You are such a good mommy. Just like me.
HA!
I think vaccinating is the right thing to do. The risk of disease is much much higher than the risk of complications from the shots themselves. I even jumped on the bandwagon and had my kids get the chickenpox vaccine when it first came out. It’s not that my kids would die from the chickenpox, but the kids around us who are living in poverty and malnourished are at risk of severe complications from chickenpox. But the great thing is that we all have a choice about getting the vaccinations! At least, we do in the U.S.
I chose to vaccinate as well. People will always look to blame their illness on someone else. Autism has been around forever it just didn’t have a name. If lots of people stop vaccinating those diseases are all going to come back and the only reason they are not around much is because people are vaccinating.
De-lurking to say that choosing whether or not to vaccinate is indeed a tough choice. As a mother and a professional who works primairly with children who have autism I empathize with both sides of the debate. However, after much research on my part, I do not believe that the research supports the theory that vaccines, especially the MMR vaccine “cause” autism. Unfortunately, the symptoms of autism spectrum disorders often becomeo the most pronounced around the same time children trypically receive the MMR vaccine (between 12 and 24 months). Could the vaccine trigger something in a child who is already neorologically different, maybe? Do I think that we know a lot more about autism than we did 20 years ago, therefore increasing the number of diagnoses? Yes, definitley. Do I think that there are environmental toxins that are effecting our children genetically? Yes. Do I vaccinate? Yes, becasue I think that the risks of some of the diseases we vaccinate for are much higher than the risk of autism. I do have an altered schedule for my children, I do only two shots per visit and I don’t do the MMR until 2 1/2 or 3. My children should all be caught up or close to it by the time they go to kindergarten. I have a wonderful pediatrician who supports this plan and I trust him immensely to choose what vaccines to give to my children at what time. I think it’s important to trust your gut and do what you think is best for your child and also to have a pediatrician who will listen to you and work with you to do what you think is best!!! Great topic to discuss. It’s good to hear other parents’ opinions!
I believe in vaccinations! The research linked MMR and autism has been proved to be false and there is currently a professional misconduct charge against the scientist who originally published it. More details are at:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5070670.stm
And as for the parents who believe that there’s no need to vaccinate your healthy kids – can you imagine how a parent with a kid with a compromised immune system feels? They can’t immunize their kids and yet someone else’s decision puts their kids at risk….
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