I’ve been a little out of sorts lately. I don’t know if it’s the greying skies or the relentless whining I listen to all day long, but I find myself itching for something more: I want to write more, I want to gain skills in some design software, I want to organize my home. But when I actually get a spare moment to do those things, I just feel overwhelmed and it’s all I can do to plunk my spreading rear in front of my laptop and aimlessly wander through blogs and social media time-wasters. Not exactly a recipe for success, you know?
The kids take so much out of me, more than I ever imagined they would. Most days it feels like we’re on a 10-second loop that goes a little like this: Avelyn and Karenna are in the same room, Karenna stands up to walk, Avelyn rushes over to her and tries to pick her up in an effort to help her “walk”, Karenna screams, Avelyn screams, Karenna rips out Avelyn’s left pigtail, more screaming, I come over and break up the brawl, they retreat, sniveling, to their respective corners, the end. Then it all starts again and I want to ram a fork in my eye. It’s just so hard to try to get anything accomplished when they’re interacting like that. And Karenna only naps for about an hour a day. So there’s ONE hour when I can get something done but that’s usually the hour that Avelyn decides to have a meltdown because her tights don’t match her dress.Â
I don’t want to be a big, fat whiner about my kids, because they are amazing little people. I love them, I just don’t always love every moment of being a mom. I just don’t feel like I’m very good at the parts of being a mom that I see other women around my excelling at: making crafted caterpillars out of egg cartons; getting their kids on a solid nap schedule when they’re, like, three days old and then they’ll nap for four hours a day until they’re five years old; eating dinner off the floor since it’s so spotless you actually could. I suck at all of that.Â
I know I’m not a bad mom. I love my girls and we have lots of fun. I am good at having dance parties to Beyonce with them; I am good at, well, that’s all I can think of right now.Â
Motherhood. It’s not how I pictured it, but that’s OK.
30 Comments
OMG! I started laughing so hard at your photo that I started coughing and choking. hehehe.
Seriously, I’m okay, just have a bad cold. But DANG! That photo is HILARIOUS!
One thing at a time! ONE thing at a time! Don’t try and write while learning design software! Check out Nicole’s blog at http://nicolehill.blogspot.com/ She has design classes online (soon!) and you can start there!
Love your blog and SOOO understand.. Although I only have one and she’s been walking for years. You’re a riot and love your posts. And stop being so hard on yourself. Amazing how many others are in your shoes. They just don’t choose to put it in writing. Take care..
I get it. As much as I hate working 40+ hours a week, I love the escape. I get home and I don’t want to be there – I wish the kids would be in bed already when I get home. I hate those days.
Just think, though. One day you’ll have two teenagers sand you’ll be wishing that they were pulling out each others’ pig tails instead of running around with some guy named Fergal.
I don’t have kids, but i hear ya about feeling overwhelmed even when i have some spare time…what IS it about not getting motivated??
As much as I tried making being a mom ‘part of my life’ and not ‘my life’ I have failed miserably. Kids can be demanding and some of their personalities just require most of one’s attention if not all (like my child)! Yes, I love my daughter fiercely and enjoy her too but it is all encompassing and hard many days- in short, I get where you’re coming from.
My daughters are 6 1/2 and 3, and I JUST started feeling like That Mom That Allows Craft Projects. Besides coloring, I have had ZERO tolerance for the messes involved in “art” around here… until now. I think it has to do with the ages of my girls now, and the fact that we don’t currently have a baby in the house. Also, I’m getting a full night’s sleep, the day to day work the the children create is less labor intensive right now ETC.
So now is NOT the season for doing anything but surviving each day with everyone feeling as happy and loved as possible. There will be other seasons that involve glitter glue and paint, but for now, don’t feel guilty about it.
Being a mother is effing HARD. I want to nad punch all the moms of the world that INSIST on not being honest about this fact.
Sorry you are feeling frustrated. I remember that stage oh so well and it’s hard. For everyone, Supermoms included.
We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Over here, the house is clean but our Beyonce dance parties are few and far between. We do crafts but I lose my patience way more than I should.
I hope you find some blue skies soon.
I do not do crafts. If there is a surefire way to make me go insane, it’s to do crafts with my kids. I’m just not patient enough. And that goes for a lot of things, actually. Being a mom is a job. A job that most of us would throw our hands in the air and quit on more than one occasion if we could. Only to beg for our desk back the next day. Eh, it happens.
I have no doubt that you are an amazing Mom. Plus…any kid would be PROUD to have a Mom who could make a face like THAT! :)
I really relate. My three-year-old and one-year-old cannot be in the same room for more than twenty seconds before there’s a problem. It’s no fun!
Totally relate to everything. Just had to say.
I remember in exact detail when I was 5 and my mum let me dance on the coffee table while The Beatles blared through the house… there is no doubt your girls will look back with fondness over the Beyonce dance parties they had with mum when they were young. Keep ’em coming, sister. :)
You’re one of the best Moms I know. And one of the best friends I could have ever hoped for.
I’m mere hours away from finishing work. Let the play dates abound!
you and me both! It’s rare that I’m not counting down the minutes to nap time. With a 4 yr old and 18 month old, I’m going to find the $$ for preschool–sooner the better or neither of us is going to survive.
Thanks for being so honest about you experiences. I have a daughter and she is FULL ON. I love her bedtime and sometimes I feel guilty about that. I even like going to work twice a week, because its a freakin holiday compared to parenting. I am a great Mother and so are you. You are just honest about it and that makes it liberating for other women to talk about how exhausting it actually is. I guess it gets easier??? Things I have found that help are eating well and really regularly (if mama is hungry, noone is happy) and getting some exercise. Even if its just half an hour walking by yourself. It keeps me sane. Your girls will grow up knowing they are loved and safe and that’s because of you. Enough said.
I feel like I could have written that post myself. I totally get it. Judging by the comments, you are not alone!
Thanks for keeping it real! You totally crack me up. I think you are doing a great job. Hang in there!
I have so many things to say about this that picture! Next time I see you I will have to demonstrate the sound effect that I hear in my head every time I look at it.
Also, what a lame week! We didn’t hang out once. Actually, you know that’s probably what’s making you so blue. Did it feel like something very important was missing from your life?
I really do wish you had more creative outlets too! I think you’re very funny and I love to read your blog posts. I bet you’d be a great comedian!
You should try making some comics about the funny things your girls do. It’s good practice to draw quickly.
Would you be offended if I said you look like the singing slugs from the movie “Flushed away” in that photo?
Yes?
Sorry, but it’s true.
The red lipstick IS cute though.
Girl, you kill me!! We continue to live parallel lives. So much so that it baffles me. Seriously. I’m totally motivated to do something, but what I don’t know… organize, clean, work on the kids books, write, do something… but it’s totally impossible. And my kids make me crazy. CRAZY. The whining and the annoying interference from Jack – usually knocking him down or hitting him in the head – AGH. I feel crazed. And I’m really hoping for some sort of magical getaway very soon. Pleasepleaseplease. Ok, so yeah, it’s nuts around here too. Hang in there my friend!
It must be in the air, I too have been feeling very overwhelmed with this whole motherhood gig lately. I love my little boy more than anything in the world but the screaming, OMG the screaming. And don’t even get me started on the house, which seems to always be a complete disaster. Thanks for sharing, and for the honesty, it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone.
LOL! I love that pic! I only have one kid & am terrified to have another because my life feels like groundhog day. I’m overwhelmed by just one child. I don’t enjoy it as much as I feel like I should. Sometimes I just want to rest. My kid never stops. I too feel inadequate! I’m sure you’re doing great, though ;)
I know what you mean. Lordy, do I know what you mean.
That photo is beyond awesome and past fantastic. I sure appreciate your honesty about parenting — your writing is wonderful.
I get feeling like that every fall too.
That picture is hilarious!
Smile, things will get better.
All I can tell you is that your children don’t know anything different. You are comparing your abilities to what you think/hope/wish they would be. To your children, things just ARE. They don’t miss what you don’t provide. They are happy, they love you. You love them. Their life is just that simple. Take a deep breath and try to live life at their speed — it ain’t easy but I can manage it every once in a while.
Hi Amanda!
I haven’t been on your blog very much because life has been nutso! I am awake in the wee hours so thought I would look around and decided to come “visit” you.
First off dear lady… take a deep breath! There, that helps right?
I was thinking about you and “motherhood” while I was reading your blog. Blogs are great for putting it out there how one feels or sees life in a moment. That is awesome especially for all you young Mom’s. Yes I am going to say it “back in my day” as a young Mom we didn’t have such venues. Same topics were done over a cup of coffee in a local restaurant with crayons, books, trucks, dolls and well you know the stuff. :)
There are days that being a Mom is overwhelming where you are at. That is for sure. I used to meet Darwin at the door after the kids met him first and took his hat and lunch kit and say” all I have said all day is NO!” I would fight the tears and carry on with supper.
Believe it or not Amanda, you will one day forget so much of the things that drive you a little crazy right now. Those days will fade behind the memories of the joy of seeing them play together co operatively, or when they both are done up all nice in good clothes and they stay clean and dry. but mostly behind the memories of the little hugs, the tiny tears and the sigh as they roll over in the night when you check on them. It will be behind memories of the cuddle before you take them to school for thier first day. Or, when they come home from school and say “Mommy do you like what I did? I did it JUST for YOU” Then they grow and you have so many things to discover with them. Shopping, painting nails, sharing secrets in PJ’s when Dad is out. Hugs to you dear lady. They are precious and I know you already know that by what you write and by the pictures you post. ON the days that are overwhelming and you wish you could accomplish all those things…. do what I wish I would have done. Shelved all my dreams of those days and sit on the floor and just play. If you aren’t into crafts, then just play. Let your imagination mix with thiers. Dishes, and dreams will wait. You see I know that now. I long for the days that AShley and Dustin were little and yes even on the Ultimate Fight days in our living room because they were home. I get to see Ashley Corey and the girls a lot and treasure that so dearly. Ya know though, i still long to have Ashley and Dustin cuddled beside me reading them a story. Or instead of being awake with a painful back being awake to know that in that dark little room the only one they want is me. Yup selfish, but the joys of motherhood are often not clear in the reflection of life until after you have passed through them. Just like walking through a small puddle all you see is mud until you cross through and then look back and see the reflection of the sky above. Hugs Amanda. Jesus is there to guide you through all of that and He is doing a great job and so are you.
Breath precious lady. You are a Mom :)
Hugs
Jackie (Ashley’s chatty Mom)
amen! there are days that just bring me to my knees and i find it impossible to explain to anyone who doesn’t have a toddler, especially those who don’t stay at home with a toddler, how a 2 year old has that power. it’s the monotony, it’s the whining, it’s the expectations, it’s just all overwhelming some days.
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