Last night I went to an amazing play called “Mom’s the Word” and I laughed until I wept. It is a fantastic performance by five women that traces the journey of motherhood right from the excruciating pains of labour, to the trials of toddlers’ temper tantrums, the adjustments made to a marriage, and finally to the challenges of teenagers, all told with humour, emotion and a little full-frontal nudity (not even kidding….a woman in her 50’s reenacted a scene where she lost her young son while getting changed at a public swimming pool and she literally streaked across the stage – cellulite, flailing breasts and all – TWICE. It was hilarious and beautiful). So great.
Whenever I go to the theatre I feel a bittersweet twinge of longing: I want to be ON the stage, not sitting in the audience. Drama was a huge part of my life in my adolescence and I can’t count the memories I made being a part of all those plays and musicals I did in high school. The friendships you forge with cast members is so strong, the adrenaline rush of performance is addictive, and the satisfaction of entertaining a crowd is beautiful. I miss it. Unfortunately, being involved in theatre is not at all conducive to being a mother of young children. Rehearsals are time-consuming and often in the evenings, which is the only time I get to connect with my husband. Preparing for a show is stressful and becomes a huge focus of your life, leading up to the performances.
I have been lucky enough to be involved in some local theatre productions in years past, but not to the extent that my spotlight-craving soul desires. And that’s OK, for now. I feel as though while my family is young it’s simply not worth the sacrifice to really pursue it any further.
But seeing the play last night, a fabulous play written by amazing women, made me wish I was the playwright, the star. They are living my dream, a dream that I’ve put aside.
Maybe one day my time will come. And then I’ll be the 50 year-old naked lady sprinting across the stage as the audience shrieks with horrified laughter. (Ha!)
Until then, I can write. I can file away the memories that will perhaps one day be the makings of my own script. I can work with the time I’ve been given and not just mope about what I’m missing out on.
Have you given up any dreams that still tap on your heart every now and again?
10 Comments
Once the kids are school age that will give your more freedom to do those things too :-)
I say persue your dream! You are fabulous, in real life and on stage. And if you produce a play, are in a play, wanna be on stage all by yourself, let us know we’ll be there front and center (that is unless you’re naked…might make coffee afterwards slightly awkward). You’ve got a talent and a loveablity that seeps out.
As for dreams, I dream of being a writer, behind the scenes. Someone that everyone has to read each and every day. A voice with no face, full of wit and sarcasm and all things fabulous. It’s a dream and will probably stay that way, but hey, a girl can dream can’t she?
It is a hard thing to talk about. Because there are some that would say pursue your dream, you can do it. Which is optimistic and true, but I think it comes at a cost. Look at me for example, I am on the verge of possibly starting my own event planning company… a dream I have had for quite some time. But I just got finished telling Dana I don’t even have time to do laundry (which he then said he is out of clean underwear…argh!) how can I possibly start a business. I think it comes down to prioritizing and balance. And just because you choose your children right now does not mean you are “giving up” the old glory dream… it just means you are a fabulous mom. Plus… all those mom moments may come in handy when you make your big debut, so you don’t want to miss them ;) You will be and are….. fabulous Amanda!
I am sure you will get the chance to be involved in theater sooner than you may think…as you are in the deep end right now, but truly “that day” will arrive soon and you will be fabulous!
I have put aside any sort of a career, and hope to get enrolled in school again once my baby is in kindergarten or something. It’s hard to hold on to your own dreams when the dreams of your kids suddenly take over!!
I’m feeling a little bit that way right now – full-time in the office is definitely not my dream…
Your time will come, Amanda. I know it.
I agree with what the previous commenters have said: your dream will come true in a few years. :) All the experiences you’ll have as a mom will make you a better actress. You’ll have more life experience to pull from. :)
And I gave up my dream of going to medical school. And being a career woman. I do work full time, but I’m not interested in a professional career now that I’m a mom. I would rather be at home with my daughter and husband instead of slaving away at an office from dusk til dawn. :)
A love of theatre and a talent for writing. Hey, you may be onto something here. Yay! I’d come see any play you write. (Even if it’s a little bit of a drive.) Guaranteed awesome!
My childhood theatre friend. We did have a good time. Such a good time that we hardly spent time in school.
I will be (hopefully) working on a production of “Mom’s The Word” next season (I haven’t signed any contracts yet).
Reading your post reminds me that I am doing something really cool for a job. It is still a job, and has all of the same crap that all jobs have. But I am working in the theatre! Pursuing that dream that we all shared. It is pretty cool. And perhaps I should take more time out of my day to look around at what I am doing.
I know it’s not comforting right now, but there are seasons for everything. Perhaps there is something you could do right now to quench that thirst, if only in a small way not to jeopardize your young brood or cause you house keeping chaos. I was able to for a time, when my brood was small. Pray and ask the Lord to direct you in how He would have you use those gifts he gave you. You may be surprised at what He might show you:)
My dream, to this day, is to become a Dr. It taps on my heart from time to time, and I push it into the very back of my mind. But I feel it is my calling, something I need to do. But lack of confidence, money, time, and my children, are my focus right now. I cannot imagine sacrifing time with my son (and future kids) to become a Dr. A job which requires so much, especially time.
I always kid that when my son goes to medical school (20 or 25 years from now) I’ll go with him. And I’ll cheat off of him.
I do feel that I need to do more with my life, but how can I say that when I’m raising the most wonderful son! Your time will come I know it, because I know you have talent (and I only know this from reading your blog the last few years!)
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