One life. That’s all we get. And that life is a series of choices which leads us down a certain path. There are times when I wish we could make more than one choice and have the chance to live parallel lives. I could be the stay-at-home mom who loves baking and scrapbooking and singing silly songs for my baby and an accomplished something-or-other with a few degrees under my belt, lots of scholarly colleagues, and a big fancy house with a maid and a chef and a nanny. Is is possible to have it all? Can we cram all of our hopes and dreams into one life, or do we have to pick and choose what’s most important and save the other things for another life, one that we might never have?
My feelings of satisfaction are so relative. When I am gabbing with my girlfriends, many of who are stay-at-home moms, I feel like, “This is me. I fit in here. I am so happy to be doing what these women are doing: raising our children, watching them grow, and doing it together.” But then I hear of other people I know who are in the midst of exciting careers, travelling the globe and accomplishing big things and I think, “That could have been me. I could have done that” and I get a little angsty about lost opportunities and poor choices.
I dropped out of college when I was almost half-way through a Bachelor of Arts degree because I had no idea what I wanted to be. The thought of blindly meandering through years of school with no direction made me gag, so I quit. But what if I hadn’t? Perhaps I would be a barista at Starbucks with a BA, but maybe that degree would have opened some doors, or maybe in those latter years of my degree I would have found my niche and passionately pursued the career of my dreams. Who knows? No one, that’s who.
I know it’s not worth the time to dwell in the past but I do think it’s beneficial to take a look at the choices of the past, evaluate them and learn from them, then move forward.
Which is what I am doing.
15 Comments
We’ve talked about this lots, and I don’t really know what to say…except I love you and I’m always here for you :)
You can have it all. My life has led me to a great career and marriage. When kids come, I’m dreaming of being a stay at home mom. This is how things have worked out for me.
My mom was married young and stayed at home with me and my brother. When I was in grade 4, she went to university and pursued her dream career. Now that her kids are gone, she’s busy working.
So, you can have it all… maybe just not all at once.
I know what you mean, Amanda!
I really don’t think you can have it all and you do need to pick what’s most important to you, what makes you happiest, etc. (Unless it’s just not all at once, like Jill said.)
Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I would have pursued the education I had had in mind. It would probably be more exciting, I’d have more money, etc. but I’d be missing out on everything I have now. I know that the things I have now is what would make me the happiest and is definitely worth all the sacrifice along the way.
:)
I agree…you can’t have it all (at once). You still have your whole life ahead of you to pursue some education if you want…it doesn’t all have to be done NOW – right?!
Ah the parallel life. I think about that lots too. I too wish sometimes that we could do that– stay at home mom in the Okanagan, and travelling couple having adventures. But I guess you make your decisions, one at a time, and do the best you can. I think it would help me, though, if I were more decisive! But that’s another story! :)
I’m trying to balance a career and a family; so far, it’s working for me. I love my job, and I love my family, and I was determined to find a way to make it work after I had my baby. If you want it all, give it a shot! I can’t say I’m doing it all perfectly, and there are sacrifices here and there, but nothing that makes me regret my decision.
I understand. And it’s really hard finding that perfect balance. REALLY hard. And you know what, I think no matter what you have, you’re always going to want to be doing the opposite. I really, really think that. Really. Not that it makes it any easier to grasp, but at least it makes it a little easier to come to terms with being happy with the here and now. Maybe? Maybe not… What do I know… :)
Hey, don’t I understand. Once I realized I hated teaching, I switched my major to BA English. KNow what that qualifies you for? would you like fries with that? But I wouldn’t change it. Besides, I’m sure you learned something those years that you weren’t in school that you wouldn’t have in school. So who knows, you might have just wasted loads of money with nothing to show!
You still have the rest of your life ahead of you, Amanda. You’re like, what, nineteen or something? :)
Oh, I soooo hear you! I am enjoying the fact that you can so eloquently describe your feelings (as opposed to my most recent posts of nothingness) as to how life is just this crazy game where the rules change all the time!
I am just on the verge of a MAJOR life change/ decision/ career move and who knows where it will take me or my family. However, I am learning to live for the moment. The moment now: having a great job and a great husband and a great kid. Being healthy, happy, fed, clothed and LOVED. That’s the only thing I can do to keep my self sane and out of the rounds of “what ifs”. What makes me satisfied now, may change drastically in 2, 5, 10 years. I hope to embrace that!
Your honesty comforts me, as being in that struggle of finding my place in life seems to never stop. Moving forward that’s the only thing we can do!
Good luck in the search!
I think that a lot of people have a lot of great points here to ponder, and I do appreciate your post as I too find myself wondering the same things. I’m still working on becoming gripped and enamored with being a SAHM. It’s not easy to find fulfillment in raising a family and keeping a house. I love my kids and am so glad I have them, but honestly if being a SAHM was all the sunshine and roses everyone claims it is for them they wouldn’t complain, and in reality we all complain. As I work through a similar struggle I only know what I think right now and that is this: you can have it all and you can have it all at once. The trick is figuring out what “it” is for you and how you’re going to get it.
I think I have to agree with most of the posts…I think you can have it all but it usually doesn’t happen all at once because then I think one or more of the things suffers in that you aren’t able to give your best to each of them happening at the same time. I struggle with that all the time, even with my degree and my job that I love but sometimes I would love to be doing more in my career. And yet at the end of the day, when I put Katelyn down to bed, I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. I think this is just part of figuring out this whole thing we call “life”.
A big part of why I ended up with my degree was because I was fired from my first three jobs in a row. If not for that, I wonder where I would be now too.
If it makes you feel better, I think it’s always greener on the other side of the fence! I’m trying to enjoy what I have right now – because when I stop to think about it, life’s pretty good. And there is tons of time in our post-little kid life to pursue any career you want. (Take 60 – your age – 10 years, that’s how many years you’ll be working without a little kid at home (unless you space your family out a ton…)).
I got my BA in education when I was 21. I had my kids at 26 and 28. I was a SAHM for years…my kids are now 13 and 15. I started graduate school a few years ago and now I will receive my Masters Degree this month in journalism/communications/creative writing. I will begin a whole new career and life at the age of 41…and I intend to work for AT LEAST 30 years or more!! My grandmother just turned 92, so I HOPE to have longevity. So, I worked a few years before kids, then I was a SAHM, and now I plan on being a career woman…and maybe I will decide in my 70s that I want to retire and enjoy yet another life stage. We CAN have it all…it just sometimes works better to do it in stages instead of trying to do it all at once! :)
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