Yesterday I took Avelyn in for her very first doctor’s appointment. I had fed her just prior to our departure and expected her to be calm and docile and show the doc what a sweet little girl she was. As soon as we set foot in the waiting room the howling began. We’re talking "scream till your face is so scrunchy and red that you look like a shrivelled beet and make sure you wail loudly enough to draw stares from everyone in the office to ensure they question your mother’s parenting ability" cries. It was awesome. I remained calm because I knew her tummy was full and her little bum dry so all she needed was to be held and to be mad.
The doctor finally called us in and sent a sympathetic smile my way. "She’s actually quite a good baby," I defended, and the doc smiled again as if to say, "Yeah, right."
Avelyn has gained four ounces in the past four days and is almost back up to her birth weight. Now that makes a momma proud. Extra proud, actually, since breastfeeding has proven to be more of a challenge than I had anticipated. This is mainly due to the fact that my nipples are as flat as a glass of soda that’s been left on the counter for a week. It’s hard for her to get a good latch and I’m sure she’s thinking, "These nipples are lame." We have had some very frustrating attempts where Avelyn is screaming and refuses to latch on, which makes me want to cry and I feel like a flat-nippled freak of a failure. To ensure she’s been getting enough milk I have been pumping and giving her the occasional bottle of breastmilk. While I know this isn’t ideal, I would way rather pump and know she’s getting enough than force her to suck on my lacking nipples and have her lose more and more weight as a result, since she’s unable to properly latch and get what she needs. Each feed I offer her the breast first. Sometimes she takes it, sometimes she howls. After a few minutes of howling, I give her a bottle and she contentedly gulps back two ounces then goes to sleep. All I care is that she’s getting breastmilk and enough of it. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. If it means I have to evenutally pump exclusively, so be it.
Yesterday I bought a nipple shield and she has taken to that quite well, so maybe that will be our nursing savior. Regardless, she is getting the good stuff, whether from my boob or a bottle and that is the priority. There is a bit of a sense of failure that I am not the perfect breastfeeder, but I know these are still early days and she and I both still have a lot to learn. I have had a lactation counsellor come and try to lend a hand, as well as my mom (who used to be a public health nurse) and my doctor, so I feel as though I am making all the effort I can.
Anyways, my girl is happy and sleeping well. She has a fussy period in the afternoons but other than is a gem. She gets cuter each day, too. I’m not kidding.
It has been so amazing having my mom and dad here to help out. They are quick to cuddle her while I hop in the shower, or make amazing dinners so I can focus on caring for Avelyn. I am so thankful for their loving support and encouragement.
So far I have lost about 18 pounds, which isn’t too shabby for the first week post-partum. I was thinking how funny it would be to show weekly belly shots of my weight loss. But then I was thinking that not many people would really care to see photos of a saggy sac of skin with wrinkly stretch marks, so I’ll refrain.
Or will I?
15 Comments
I have been reading up on your blog for a little while now..stumbled across it one day..i am from the church as well…Congratulations on your little angle..I had one inverted nipple when i was nursing Riley and had to use a nipple shield..it worked awsome for me..and after a few months i didnt have to use it anymore..he seemed to latch on better…or maybe from him nursing so much my nipple wasnt so inverted anymore..lol.. You are doing an awsome job though..glad to hear she is growing well.
You are doing a great job Amanda. You are trying your best and keeping Avelyn best interested at the top of your list of priorities. That’s the makings of an amazing mom!
18 lbs is great but don’t even be concerned about that yet!
Love ya!
breastfeeding is hard, anyone who says otherwise is a liar as far as I’m concerned. It has been the hardest thing about taking care of Duncan so far and I doubt that anyone is the perfect lactating mother. You’re keeping your baby fed and loved and that’s all that matters!
i would give you breastfeeding advice except that….well….i have none. But i will say that she is the CUTEST little baby girl EVER! But that’s not surprising, i mean, she is a Brown. I”m coming up to westbank August 12th and bringing my camera, so be sure to tell Avelyn to look as cute as possible.
You’re doing great, I was going to ask if you had a nipple shield, hopefully that will help, but don’t feel bad the most important thing is that she’s feeding however it happens.
I have seen many women need a nipple shield for the first little while and then go on to breastfeed without them for months afterwards. Hope it gets easier for you. She gets cuter every day.
Yes, breastfeeding is something “they” tell you will be natural and easy if they latch on right. It wasn’t at all “natural” feeling for me until my poor flat nipples got calloused. It was the hardest part of the baby stage. Not that it was all bad…it was just HARD and I was unprepared. Sounds like you are trying your best, and just talk talk talk to other moms to help you feel better. This first month is the toughest for sure.
Hi Amanda and welcome Avelyn! I had to comment, I have been reading you for a while now and gave birth to my own darling girl Amy on the 6 July so I can relate to how you are feeling and what you are experiencing right now! Just to say your daughter looks gorgeous and to keep the brilliant attitude when it comes to stressful feeding etc! It gets easier and they only get more adorable each day. I can hardly believe my tiny baby is already 20 days old! x Sarah and Amy
Don’t be so hard on yourself! Breastfeeding doesn’t always happen like some people like to make it out. From what I see, you are a wonderful momma and it will all work out. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
Well, sounds like she isn’t starving :)
Sounds like you guys are doing REALLY well, especially since you just met a week ago :)
I always knew you’d be an amazing mommy. Alot of mommies would have given up on day two. You really love that baby girl don’t you?
What’s not to love?
PS. I wanna see the post baby belly pics. :)
I had a horrible time nursing at first. There was cracking, bleeding, swelling..ug…. I dreaded it and would cry each time I had to nurse…. but it went away after a month. I’m very happy I stuck it through, becuase it’s such an amazing bonding experience now. (Caleb is 7 month) I’m sad that it’s almost over.
You sound like you’ve been a mom for years. Breastfeeeding is absolutely hard. I think most mommies will agree with that. My cousin pumped exclusively with her first son and it worked well (if it turns out that’s what you decide to do). I had trouble from the start and was deficient in my milk supply, but lasted 6 months. Everybody is different. She’s a beauty and I am going to love reading your stories.
Woohoo! She is here – finally, and what a doll. Congrats to you and Steve. She is beautiful :-)
I love the way you tell your stories…I laughed out loud about the feeling like a failure cause of the ‘flat-nipple’ thing. I had the same problem and was a MESS cause I thought I would never be able to properly feed my baby, but you’re right, give yourself a couple weeks and you and Avelyn will get in the groove=) It seems like a lifetime away, but it comes! (I love the name you chose BTW, and it does suit her to a tea!)
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